One more step

So, it's been almost a week since my appointment but I haven't posted anything because I was processing a hard truth.

I had an appointment with the endocrinologist and it went really well and I have a great plan on place, but it was also a hard conversation to have. My purpose of going was to see what I could do to more weight as it feels nearly impossible due to PCOS. Traditional "eating healthy and exercising" are all good and well but it's not enough for me. I want to lose at least SOME weight before getting pregnant again, if possible, and then of course to lose more weight to be healthy!

The doc and I came up with great and reachable goals for the next 3 month's before being re-evaluated. He also prescribed some meds to help (which I'm on day 2 of taking it). All in all, I'm excited about it! But, we also briefly touched on the possibility of a future bariatric procedure when I'm done having kids. While It's definitely crossed my mind multiple times, it felt too real talking out loud about it with someone. I don't need it right now or anything, but the fact that it's even on the table is a hard pill to swallow.  How did I let it get this bad? Why did I not reach out to someone earlier? Am I really that bad? I feel disappointed and angry with myself and at the same time, frustrated with my body and genes and hormones. It's dumb. It really is. The past few days I've really struggled. I can't help but question.... If we are made in God's perfect image, why do I have SO many things wrong with me? In all reality, I know the true answer to this, but it is definitely not easy to think about. I can only pray that God gives me a healthy outlook, a healthy heart, and in time, a healthy body.

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