Post- Surgery Update

 Every day I get a Bible verse sent to my email. Today was one that I consider my "life verse;" that I hold near and dear to my heart.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." God knew I needed to read this again today.  I feel like since surgery I have been pretty upbeat and positive for the most part and have been actively trying to do all I need to to get better and heal properly (without overdoing it, of course....don't worry). The plan was to stay in the hospital until Friday and I'd be discharged and sent home with a plan for follow up, the proper meds, and I'd have a day or two to rest without Jane around (although I've missed her) and acclimate to being home.  Friday came around and we started talking about discharge and I was getting excited.  This, of course, was at about 6:30/7 am because... you know, that's when the docs like to come in and wake you up and talk to you and then ask why you are groggy every time they see you (haha!). Anyway, this being day 4 post-op, I was in a little more pain than usual this morning at the incision sites and in my lower back, and my stomach was still hurting pretty badly (because sorry for the TMI but the pain meds really stop ya up and I hadn't pooped in 5 days... and yes, as absolutely embarrassing as it is, there is a reason why I'm sharing this). A little bit after breakfast, I got up and used my little old lady walker (I got a sweet ride!) to shuffle to the bathroom and HALLELUJAH, I had some relief. 😂 I talked to an occupational therapist afterwards for about 10 min or so and then the nurse came in to empty the drains at the incision sites.  I was sitting on the chair in the room and we were chatting a bit and all of a sudden I felt a bigger pain in my stomach, a little nausea, and felt like I was going to pass out.  I let the nurse know right away and then felt myself slumping down into the chair. Next thing I knew was I was waking up and it felt like I had a ton of people around be yelling (although they weren't), and they were working quickly moving me from the chair to the bed and checking vitals and asking me questions, like if I knew where I was and if I've ever had a seizure before because they think I just had one.  I was able to come to a bit and answer questions (which they later told me ruled out seizure and I was so glad) and I remember starting to just bawl because I knew I wasn't going home anymore.  They decided to do some blood tests to be on the safe side but ended up ruling it a delayed vasovagal response probably to when I had a bowel movement like 20 minutes earlier. 😑  Apparently, it is not uncommon, especially after my body trying to recover from an 11 hour surgery and all.  Why do I share this super embarrassing story of fainting because of pooping?  Well, because I want whoever reads this to know that it's not uncommon for something like that to happen and to be aware of it. Docs told me it does not ALWAYS happen, but when your body goes through something traumatic like mine did, it makes sense. I had never had that happen before, so I had no clue!  Anyway, blood tests came back and the docs decided to give me some blood to be on the safe side, as numbers were a little low.  By the time I got the blood, it was about 4pm. Yea, I guess I was staying another night.  I was really bummed.  REALLY exhausted, but bummed.  I wasn't as talkative with the nurses although I still made every effort to thank them for all their hard work and be kind (they go through so much!), but didn't feel as "into" it as I was before.  

The next morning, Saturday, I was up before my docs came in (albeit, they were "late" since it was Saturday and they weren't going straight into surgery after), but all sounded and looked great and they were once again planning on sending me home. I was cautiously optimistic but as the time got closer to when I knew Ben would be getting off work, I got more and more excited.  Only problem was....Ben had texted me early in the morning and said our water heater was gushing out water.  He had turned the water off to the unit though and between the two of us, we'd work on getting someone out there to get it replaced (it's pretty much beyond repair at this point) but believed it was temporarily under control at least and there should be no more leaking. Long story short, leaking did NOT stop, the water to the house had to be turned off, and no one would even be able to call and schedule to come look at it until Monday (don't even get me started...). So, my exciting homecoming was not so exciting after all. We also had an issue getting 2 of my pain meds and can't get them until Monday (another somewhat long story). Still, I got home yesterday around 5pm and both of us fell asleep watching a movie on tv later that night.  Thankfully, I was warned that I may end up in more pain than before, despite the lack of pain meds, so I was at least somewhat prepared for it. 

Last night's sleep was restless and hot and on top of being in pain, I didn't wake up in the best mood. For most of today I have felt very discouraged and tired and frustrated with not being able to do things. My in laws brought our daughter home around 11/11:30 this morning and she was pretty much immediately back to her old habits of being progressively whiny and not really listening, which I had no time for although was trying REALLY hard to hold it together because I knew she was just tired.

I cling to the above verses today.  It has been a really difficult weekend and I'm over it and ready to do some more emotional eating... I feel very weak.... in every single way.  Weak and tired.  And this is only the beginning. I need to get this turned around because I knew it was going to be hard and have been trying to prepare myself so I wouldn't just be a complainer the entire time.  But....right now, it's all I've got.  I'm complaining.  I can't help it right now.  I pray that God will be my strength and will take away this pain tonight so I can sleep without crying because that's all I want to do right now. I still am glad I did the surgery and feel that weight somewhat lifted, but it is still very hard.  If you are reading this right now, at any point in time, and you are dealing with any of this, know that you aren't alone in how you are feeling, it is ok to cry, and you and I WILL get through this. God is our strength.

(I discovered the combination of Snickers and peanut butter as a delicious emotional filler for my last night at the hospital. I HIGHLY recommend it!)

(Home after surgery)