Phase 2 and Oopherectomy
Well, my surgery didn't end up happening in December due to a rise in COVID numbers, but I did have it at the end of January.
Since surgery was getting pushed back, I was put on Tamoxifen soon after I found out instead of waiting until after surgery because we didn't want to put it off too long. I was on it for about a month and had to stop. It made me extremely depressed and I was terrified that it would get to the point where I'd be unsafe. I was then put on Letrozole and had to get a Zoladex shot every 4 weeks until my ovaries were taken out. The Zoladex stopped my ovaries from working and told my body I was now menopausal. This was necessary to allow the Letrozole to work properly. This put me immediately into a chemically induced menopause so for the next two weeks after initially starting on these meds (I had to start the Letrozole 2 weeks after my initial Zoladex shot) and my body started freaking out. I felt like I was crazy. The hot flashes have never been REALLY bad, but my mood swings were pretty crazy for a while. They have since calmed down tremendously, thankfully, after some med adjustments.
My surgery got rescheduled for January 29th and I was sooo excited and so ready to get it done! Surgery went really well with no problems. The recovery, however, has been......interesting. The anesthesiologist decided to use a different concoction this time since last time I had some nausea. I have decided that if I have to get any more surgeries done, I will specifically ask NOT to use this again. It was really hard to come to after surgery and I felt like it really messed me up in a bunch of ways for the next week or so until it was fully out of my system. Another issue was I ended up having anemia after this surgery. My surgery was on a Friday and I went home right after. Saturday morning, around 5:20, I got up to use the bathroom and I ended up passing out and hitting my head on my way back the recliner. Thankfully, my husband was home and was up getting ready for work. I yelled for him and was very disoriented, in pain, and terrified. Once I was a little calmer and in a little less pain, we tried sitting me up and I ended up passing out again. This happened twice. My poor husband and I were both freaking out and neither of us really knew what to do. He called to talk to the on call doc but the doc has up to an hour to call back, so he then called my father in law who is also in the medical field and talked to him. After an hour of me freaking out and in pain and bawling, we finally got me calmed down and got me up and back in the recliner. Of course, my husband stayed home with me that day. We talked about calling an ambulance, but decided against it, which worked out just fine. Later, after resting up, I sent a message out to my plastic surgeon and explained what happened. On Monday, they set up a follow up for 4pm to make sure I was doing ok. Incisions looked good still, thankfully, and they took a CBC to be on the safe side and sent me home. As soon as we made it back up to our side of town, around 5:30 pm, I got a call from the surgeon saying my hemoglobin was really low and I needed to go back down to go to the ER (since their office was closed at that point) to get a CT scan to make sure there was no internal bleeding. So, we stopped briefly at home then headed back down to Anschutz. We got checked in at 7pm and didn't leave until 1am the following morning with the diagnosis of anemia, no internal bleeding, and a bottle of iron pills. Thankfully, I haven't passed out again since and after about 2 weeks, was no longer feeling lightheaded an had a little better focus on things. By then, I was also off a couple of the pain meds that had an impact on my lightheadedness as well as gave my blurred vision, and the anesthesia was out of my system. Since then, I've actually been feeling pretty well and it's been really hard not to want to do all the things again. I am still under a 5lb weight restriction for at least another week. I am grateful I've been feeling so well though!
On the morning Valentine's day, while checking out my incisions to make sure all still looked good, I discovered a white patch at the incision site under my right breast and what looked like the beginning of an infection. I wasn't super worried at the time because it didn't look awful and I sent a message to the surgeon and went about my day. That night, I showed my husband and the area had worsened significantly. That's when my anxiety decided to sky-rocket. I sent an updated picture to the surgeon and since it was Sunday, had to wait until the next morning before I would get a reply. Needless to say, I got very little sleep that night. Monday, I hear back and have an appointment scheduled for 12:45pm. It has been a VERY long time since I've had so many panic attacks in one day. Surgeon let me know it was just a superficial infection and just on the outside. The white patch was skin that was no longer viable and he had to cut it off (🤮). He gave me some silver-infused felt-type material to put over it which would take care of the infection and we set up a follow up for March 1st. My anxiety has been up and down since then, for one, because you can now see INSIDE my breast and that is downright nauseating.
The past week or so, I've also been feeling kind of alone again. I mean, I still have some INCREDIBLE support from people and am very very grateful, but I have just been feeling pretty lonely off and on, and just sad at times. Thankfully, I do have an appointment set up to see a Psychologist that specializes in oncology, but it's not until March 9th and it's a virtual visit, which is disheartening (I hate doing those just as much as I hate talking on the phone). I've been clinging a lot to God's word though and trying VERY hard to be more intentional about reading my devotional. I think it's just been really hard because I have been so excited that I'm almost done and then I get this infection and it's just one more thing to deal with. So much has happened in the past year and I am soooo ready to be done. Every part of my being is just exhausted. And I am still trying to process everything that's happened. As weird as it may sound, I am REALLY looking forward to being able to talk to someone about it all that can help me process. I feel like I have so many thoughts and emotions going on inside that have been wearing me down and I need to get them out. Writing this blog and posting updates on FB have been helpful, but most of the time I feel like people are probably just sick of me complaining by now and are probably sick of hearing about it. I've been feeling guilty about posting lately because of this and have tried to not post so much about it except for when I feel like I REALLY need some prayer support. I'm really looking forward to getting this past me so that I don't feel like it's weighing on my shoulders anymore. I still have ZERO regrets about the steps I took this past year, but holy cow, was it a lot. People who haven't dealt with cancer or decisions regarding preventative care when it comes to genetic mutations have no idea all that goes on inside a person. It's a VERY lonely feeling. Especially during a pandemic.
Psalm 25:16 "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted."
Isaiah 40:29 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."
My surgery got rescheduled for January 29th and I was sooo excited and so ready to get it done! Surgery went really well with no problems. The recovery, however, has been......interesting. The anesthesiologist decided to use a different concoction this time since last time I had some nausea. I have decided that if I have to get any more surgeries done, I will specifically ask NOT to use this again. It was really hard to come to after surgery and I felt like it really messed me up in a bunch of ways for the next week or so until it was fully out of my system. Another issue was I ended up having anemia after this surgery. My surgery was on a Friday and I went home right after. Saturday morning, around 5:20, I got up to use the bathroom and I ended up passing out and hitting my head on my way back the recliner. Thankfully, my husband was home and was up getting ready for work. I yelled for him and was very disoriented, in pain, and terrified. Once I was a little calmer and in a little less pain, we tried sitting me up and I ended up passing out again. This happened twice. My poor husband and I were both freaking out and neither of us really knew what to do. He called to talk to the on call doc but the doc has up to an hour to call back, so he then called my father in law who is also in the medical field and talked to him. After an hour of me freaking out and in pain and bawling, we finally got me calmed down and got me up and back in the recliner. Of course, my husband stayed home with me that day. We talked about calling an ambulance, but decided against it, which worked out just fine. Later, after resting up, I sent a message out to my plastic surgeon and explained what happened. On Monday, they set up a follow up for 4pm to make sure I was doing ok. Incisions looked good still, thankfully, and they took a CBC to be on the safe side and sent me home. As soon as we made it back up to our side of town, around 5:30 pm, I got a call from the surgeon saying my hemoglobin was really low and I needed to go back down to go to the ER (since their office was closed at that point) to get a CT scan to make sure there was no internal bleeding. So, we stopped briefly at home then headed back down to Anschutz. We got checked in at 7pm and didn't leave until 1am the following morning with the diagnosis of anemia, no internal bleeding, and a bottle of iron pills. Thankfully, I haven't passed out again since and after about 2 weeks, was no longer feeling lightheaded an had a little better focus on things. By then, I was also off a couple of the pain meds that had an impact on my lightheadedness as well as gave my blurred vision, and the anesthesia was out of my system. Since then, I've actually been feeling pretty well and it's been really hard not to want to do all the things again. I am still under a 5lb weight restriction for at least another week. I am grateful I've been feeling so well though!
On the morning Valentine's day, while checking out my incisions to make sure all still looked good, I discovered a white patch at the incision site under my right breast and what looked like the beginning of an infection. I wasn't super worried at the time because it didn't look awful and I sent a message to the surgeon and went about my day. That night, I showed my husband and the area had worsened significantly. That's when my anxiety decided to sky-rocket. I sent an updated picture to the surgeon and since it was Sunday, had to wait until the next morning before I would get a reply. Needless to say, I got very little sleep that night. Monday, I hear back and have an appointment scheduled for 12:45pm. It has been a VERY long time since I've had so many panic attacks in one day. Surgeon let me know it was just a superficial infection and just on the outside. The white patch was skin that was no longer viable and he had to cut it off (🤮). He gave me some silver-infused felt-type material to put over it which would take care of the infection and we set up a follow up for March 1st. My anxiety has been up and down since then, for one, because you can now see INSIDE my breast and that is downright nauseating.
The past week or so, I've also been feeling kind of alone again. I mean, I still have some INCREDIBLE support from people and am very very grateful, but I have just been feeling pretty lonely off and on, and just sad at times. Thankfully, I do have an appointment set up to see a Psychologist that specializes in oncology, but it's not until March 9th and it's a virtual visit, which is disheartening (I hate doing those just as much as I hate talking on the phone). I've been clinging a lot to God's word though and trying VERY hard to be more intentional about reading my devotional. I think it's just been really hard because I have been so excited that I'm almost done and then I get this infection and it's just one more thing to deal with. So much has happened in the past year and I am soooo ready to be done. Every part of my being is just exhausted. And I am still trying to process everything that's happened. As weird as it may sound, I am REALLY looking forward to being able to talk to someone about it all that can help me process. I feel like I have so many thoughts and emotions going on inside that have been wearing me down and I need to get them out. Writing this blog and posting updates on FB have been helpful, but most of the time I feel like people are probably just sick of me complaining by now and are probably sick of hearing about it. I've been feeling guilty about posting lately because of this and have tried to not post so much about it except for when I feel like I REALLY need some prayer support. I'm really looking forward to getting this past me so that I don't feel like it's weighing on my shoulders anymore. I still have ZERO regrets about the steps I took this past year, but holy cow, was it a lot. People who haven't dealt with cancer or decisions regarding preventative care when it comes to genetic mutations have no idea all that goes on inside a person. It's a VERY lonely feeling. Especially during a pandemic.
Psalm 25:16 "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted."
Isaiah 40:29 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."
Exodus 15:2 "The Lord is my strength and defense: he has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise Him, my father's God and I will exalt him."
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