Bright Pink Warrior

One thing I've learned from this whole experience is that life does not slow down when you're dealing with cancer. You basically get all the stresses of day to day life with about 10,000× more stress, fatigue, emotions, and pain on top of it, for...who knows how long. It's different for everyone. But I have to say, these past 9 months have felt more like about 5 years, even without COVID and politics and everything else going on in 2020. Even though I'm technically on a "break" from all of this until my surgery in December, I haven't had too much of a break. I'm constantly playing catch up on things and it doesn't help that my mind still is a little "mushy" and forgetful. Even though I have A LOT more energy than I have in months, I still feel exhausted as my body still heals. It's been 3 months since my surgery, and I look on the outside like I'm all healed up, but I still am dealing with my body recovering from the beating it...

 It's been about 12 weeks since surgery and I can gladly say my body is feeling like it's almost to where it should be.  I got my last drain out of my hip two weeks ago, which was AMAZING. It was really great to not have to accommodate for having a drain and tubing all the time.  I can now wear clothes regularly and not have to worry about pinning a drain and trying to hide it or not get anything caught when pulling my pants up.  I've also been doing PT for four weeks which has helped INCREDIBLY.  I am now able to lift my arms normally and I can stand up straight without hurting!! Praise God! I do still have some pulling in my abdomen but it's not NEARLY as bad as it has been.  I should be able to go without any abdomen compressions anymore! We are currently working on stretching out the scar tissue and abdomen strengthening.  I'll be back to normal just in time for my next surgery! Haha!  My oophorectomy and breast revision surgery is scheduled f...

Tomorrow begins week 4 post surgery and I gotta say, I'm doing pretty well! I got the ok to start standing up a little straighter, which I am so glad about.  My lower back is still hurting, but it doesn't hurt NEARLY as bad as it used to and I'm able to stand up for just a little bit longer now.  I feel like I'm getting stronger every day. Thank you, Lord! I had my follow up with the plastic surgeon last week and it went really well for the more part!  Everything is healing well and they even removed the two drains up at my chest.  I still have the ones on my hips, but one will be removed probably this week. The other is not even close to being ready, unfortunately.  The drains don't hurt or anything being in and up until a couple of days ago, were not really even a big deal to take care of.  A couple of days ago though, one started leaking and I started to panic. I talked to the nurse and it turns out it was just clogged and I had to strip the tubing until...

 Every day I get a Bible verse sent to my email. Today was one that I consider my "life verse;" that I hold near and dear to my heart.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." God knew I needed to read this again today.  I feel like since surgery I have been pretty upbeat and positive for the most part and have been actively trying to do all I need to to get better and heal properly (without overdoing it, of course....don't worry). The plan was to stay in the hospital until Friday and I'd be discharged and sent home with a plan for follow up, the proper meds, and I'd have a day or two to rest without Jane ar...

 Holy moly has it been a busy month!  We are officially all moved out of our townhouse and into our new house!  You never realize how much stuff you actually have until you move. We hired movers and they filled their truck and we still had about 6 or 7 carloads or stuff after that. Thankfully, we had some AMAZING friends and family helping through the whole thing, from painting to moving to cleaning, and even bringing over some delicious food. Two days after we got possession of the house and started the cleaning and painting process, I got the long awaited call.  I have a surgery date!!  Monday, August 17th. That gave me exactly 2 weeks to prepare. With moving and unpacking, those two weeks have FLOWN by. We are still not completely unpacked, but mostly at least...and I still have today and tomorrow to get stuff done.  Yesterday is when it REALLY started to sink in. I have my surgery in two days.  Two days and then everything changes. Although I am ex...

Whelp, I am halfway done with chemo! I had my first infusion on June 5th and my second one June 26th. Let me tell you... Chemo is a lot like pregnancy in the sense that people can tell you their experiences and you can plan the best you can, but really, there's no real way of fully preparing for going through chemo. It. Is. Hard. Even with my treatment plan being not as aggressive as others, Chemo still just makes life difficult. I've posted about it a little as things come a long on social media, but haven't given all the details of anything.  There's simply too much and really, there are some things I'd rather not share and that most people would rather not know. 😉 One thing to mention is that even though I feel like it is a little better today, I still feel a little "loopy" or out of it and so writing tends to be difficult, which is the biggest reason why I haven't updated in a while.  It's really hard to focus for a long time and forming lot...

It's been a while since I've done a new post.  A lot has happened though, since my last post, so I figured I should give an update! So, after talking with my oncologist and the surgeon again, we decided that due to me not losing all the weight I needed to yet, that they next best step would be to have a lumpectomy at the same time I get the sentinel lymph nodes removed and tested. I would also hold off on starting Tamoxifen for now.  I will still end up getting a mastectomy/reconstruction, but it would not be for at least another 2-3 months to allow time for me to lose weight, as well as give time for the OR to open up for elective surgeries (the reconstruction side of things). Having the lumpectomy and node testing done means I will still be actively doing something to fight the cancer and it will also help determine the next step in treatment, i.e. chemo and/or radiation. I had the surgeries done two weeks ago today, on May 6th.  It was really hard. There's no other...

Yesterday was an absolute terrible day. I have not cried so long and so hard and have been so low in a very long time. I followed up with the surgeon, as planned, to see if there was any update on the OR opening up so we can get a date on the calendar to start these surgeries. Well, it did not go at all as planned. Still no idea when the OR will open up, which is kind of surprising to me. Also, I had told her that I had lost 10lbs but ended up gaining 3 back and it's been fluxuating for about a week. She said my weight has probably leveled out but that the plastic surgeon would probably not feel comfortable doing surgery without having lost all the weight required (20-27lbs total). And also because of the pandemic, they are still not able to do the surgery anyway. She said she was going to talk to the breast oncologist about going ahead and starting Tamoxifen. I was devastated. I thought even if it were the end of the month, that I'd still have the procedures done in May.  No...

I don't think I've been so anxious for so long since high school. I've had 2 panic attacks in one week alone...one I am currently trying to get to stop. Having cancer during a freaking pandemic is hard. It's just flat out hard. All I want to do is get this out of my body and taken care of. I'm still not bothered by the actual diagnosis, but rather by the fact that it feels like life is going in slow motion and everything is dragging before I can get any treatment. I got the oncotype results today (" This test may help predict if your cancer will return and if getting chemotherapy will improve your chances that the cancer will not come back. This test can help you and your doctor decide if the benefits of chemotherapy outweigh the risks." --mskcc.org), and it is on the high side for my age group. Doc said that more than likely I am looking at doing "light" chemo (4 sessions). We will know for sure if I need to after the surgery when they are abl...

I had my appointment with the plastic surgeon (a different one than I meet with before) and I think it went pretty well. Although I may very well regret it by tomorrow, I will be working REALLY hard to lose 20lbs in the next month. I know...... Crazy, right? I feel like I'm insane. But, if I lose it, my risks will be significantly lower for the surgery I'm hoping for. Ideally, I will be getting what's called a deep flap. It takes the fat and skin from my stomach and is used to reconstruct my breasts. This would be AWESOME because I'd be getting somewhat of a tummy tuck along with the reconstruction. How cool is that?!? Now, I will have to get a couple of lymph nodes removed and tested while I work on losing weight. I don't have a date for that yet, but I'm sure I'll get a call within the next day or so. It's considered an outpatient procedure, but believe I'll still be put under for it. Even though I'm still feeling pretty good about everyt...

Whelp, if you are a friend of mine on facebook, you already know... The biopsy that was done came back positive for cancer.  This week has definitely been an emotional one. I got the call on Monday morning.  As soon as she said "It's not good news," tears were already rolling down my cheeks.  After I hung up with her, I didn't know who to call.  I wanted to call my husband, but I REALLY didn't want to ruin his day at work because I knew he wouldn't be able to come home early. Instead, I called my mother in law and had a really hard cry yet again.  She helped me calm down and prayed with me.  It was still early in the day and I had to take Jane to school and pick up the kids I nanny from school.  I couldn't afford to freak out all day.  I got a call in the afternoon from the nurse navigator to let me know what the next steps would be.  We set up my multi-disciplinary appointments for Thursday....all day Thursday.  I didn't get to talk...

Not gonna lie.... This past week has been an incredibly huge roller coaster. After my mammogram, it was decided that I still needed to do the MRI-guided biopsy.  During the 45 minute drive home afterwards, I just kept getting more and more angry. I would think "This isn't supposed to happen. I'm not supposed to get cancer. We had a plan... I'd get the surgeries and not even deal with cancer and chemo or any of it."  I was angry at the possibility of being sick with cancer, I was angry with my mom, I was angry this was something my family and I even have to go through. I was so angry by the time I got home that I couldn't even talk to Ben about any of it. I was ready to explode. I angrily folded laundry and fought back tears. After a little bit, Ben simply turned me towards him to hug me and I completely broke down before my head rocked l touched his shoulder. I think I just needed to cry. Really, the biopsy will probably turn it just fine and we will go about ...

Whelp, it's begun. The first of (more than likely) many "suspicious" areas have been found. I had my first breast MRI last week, which, let me tell you, is one of the MOST uncomfortable things I've ever done, and they found something in my left breast. Thankfully, the doctor reminded me that it is SUPER common to find things from MRIs, and most are nothing bad, so this is probably nothing, but I still feel really nervous. I got the call yesterday afternoon, right before the realtor came over to help us figure out what needs to be done before we must our place....which I don't know if I have mentioned yet on here.... Long story short, without looking, we found and fell in love with a new build and are going to try to get a lot when the last three are released mid-march. Right now, we are preparing for if/when it happens because if it does, we have to sell our place FAST. So, between that, this news of the new found spot, not sleeping well at all, and our *lovely* ...

Had my 6 month appointments with the onc-gyn and the breast onc yesterday, as well as blood testing for CA-125 (a cancer antigen). Blood test came back normal, thankfully! The onc-gyn also said my ovaries look good-- no masses! We discussed the pain I've been having and she thinks it may just be caused by ovulation, because she doesn't see anything wrong through the ultrasound. I'm not completely convinced, but who knows. She also is giving me another referral for a reproductive specialist (a different one this time). She said that especially with having PCOS, it is important for me to get on having another child if that is what we are wanting to do. The longer I wait, the harder and possibly more dangerous it'd be. With my menstrual cycles being sooo long, it could be a long drawn out and frustrating process. We are both hoping that this specialist will be a better fit than the last and that she will help with what I need. We will see what happens! Ben and I have ta...